I feel so down and lonely all the time.

Back to school soon and damn, if I did not have these ridiculous transfer requirements I would stay home in an instant. I realize the decision that I made to leave was not for me. It’s a financial burden. It’s completely ridiculous. And it’s going to be years before I’ll be happy with a stable job. I’m beginning to ask myself, is it all worth it? 

And I know that the answer is definitely a no. 

Want & Need smear
Like you and me
After sweet play. 

I have to tell myself that I don’t care so I can start to believe it. So far, on the surface, it’s been working. Sometimes I want to project my word vomit onto your conscious. Sometimes I wish I actually had your number so I inform you of my trials, tribulations, congratulate you on your upcoming anniversary with the woman you cheated on me with, your new movie, the success of your new but boring television show, your happiness. 

But then I remember all of the negative aspects of our relationship. The lies. The treachery. The overwhelming amount of dependency you had for me. I talked you through your toughest times…but how naive we were to think that it was love of any kind.

Overly affectionate friends. That’s what we were. Do you ever miss it?